What is Freedom...


           Photo Courtesy: AmuKay
Let’s go waaaay back. From the beginning. When the earth was just a baby, God’s baby. Like a programmer’s code, being moulded into a perfect masterpiece. Then the gay serpent happened. I say gay because a talking serpent approached a NAKED woman and only asked her to eat an apple. Or was it blind, because we all know, us creatures of Venus have the power to stir up a million emotions when we take our clothes off. Assuming the devil is male, (we know he is), the fact that he did not notice her perfect boobs is the reason we have plastic surgery and Photoshop today.  Take a moment and picture the look on Adam’s face when Eve told him he was naked.  So assuming Eve, did not eat that apple, and the earth remained the perfect universe it was supposed to be. That is my what if story...
First things first, there would be no lies, which is a bummer, because most industries on earth were born out of lies. Starting off with Hollywood. There would be no books, movies and series based on fiction, no Transformers, No Avengers, Harry Potter or Fast and Furious because why would you need a saviour in ridiculously costumed spandex when you have one who rains fire and brimstone? Also, what would be cars, because I’m pretty sure we would be relying on mules and the elite would be having chariots.
Here in Africa, the situation would still be the same same. African mothers will still beat you for getting injured, because “you walk without watching where you’re going”, they will turn a “this food tastes great” to “it will be until you find yourself a wife?” The only maguta maguta Maina Kageni would be selling would the lard off of the buffalos and zebras he hunts in the heart of Kiambu or Murang’a. Kuyus wouldn't be judged by our (apparently nonexistent) culinary skills.  
And why would we need education? We have no careers to beat ourselves over. The careees we would be fighting over would be hunting and gathering. But then, lakeside people would have no bragging rights. What would we be reading instead, the actions and reactions of your fellow humans, which is pretty entertaining. We’d probably still wear loincloths and by my age, my mother would have already traded me for rice. I would be mother to a battalion of children by now. If we still lived in that garden, it would be chaos. I don’t think there’d be a constitution, so God would probably come down frequently and when he couldn’t, he’d open up the earth to swallow up anyone who irritated him. Above all, there would be no period pain. And no Safaricom. And the ovacado would be perfect. Kakuzi perfect .
The only things we would be grinding on would be grain into flour, the only things we would be going down on would be our knees in prayer and the only banging we would be doing would be to crack coconuts open.
Then we’d have no labels. No black. No white. No Asians. No gay. No straight. No bisexual. No petite or plus size. No normal and weird. We would just be there, as humans, facing the wrath of God together. And people would just live, girls not wondering if the skirt from those fig trees makes their derriere look fat and men, well, what are men insecure about?
There’d be no social media, so the only thing slay queens would be smoking would be the incense they burn at God’s altar, the only things they’d be spreading would be sacrifices and the only things they’d be lifting would be their hands in prayer. Then us others would be fat and go through our awkward phases in peace.
But we will never know, because trust me, even if Eve hadn’t been approached to eat that damn apple, someone else, unsupervised by the unclean spirits, would have gone and eaten that fruit anyway, because we all know curiosity didn’t kill a cat, it killed a man called Cat. Because maybe then, we would actually know what it's like to be truly ourselves.  


Comments

  1. Then we’d have no labels. No black. No white. No Asians. No gay. No straight. No bisexual. No petite or plus size. No normal and weird. We would just be there, as humans, facing the wrath of God together. And people would just live, girls not wondering if the skirt from those fig trees makes their derriere look fat and men, well, what are men insecure about?"


    i loved this

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